I could bore you with the details, but if you follow or have stumbled here by divine intervention, you know I have NOT blogged more often. Life has a way of intervening, blowing me off course, ruffling the best of my intentions into a jumble of would have been ideas. I'm full of excuses, which pains me and makes me cranky. ;-)
So... I'm eating my words tonite. Making new promises that I'll keep to myself this time until they really do happen, because I'm so hard on myself when I wander off course. Discipline! Self Discipline, Using Time Wisely, Remembering to Play and find the joy again in just letting art happen and not forcing it or making art that I "think will please others" instead of following my heart, my instinct, my raw desire. Trusting in myself and following my own path. Being true to myself instead of trying to be something or someone I'm not.
I'm going to focus on being my genuine self, take it or leave it, especially in my art. I've found that not doing that makes my art stagnant and mediocre, as if it is actually anything else. It matters not; it matters what joy it brings, either in the making or in the recieving. My art has lost its voice and so have I. Literally, for one month.
I've been on the road, visiting home and family in Oregon; missing my family and friends on the "other planet" whichever end I be, I miss the other. I long to comfort and be comforted; I long to be needed and helpful and yet I long to rest. I want to make a difference in life and in my art. Maybe that's this month's lesson that I haven't quite grasped. My art supplies are meager but packed and calling. I am afraid.
Afraid but grateful, in many things, for many souls. What am I trying to say? What am I trying to tell? In words, in color, in pen and in ink.... in water color washes and meandering doodles... it's swirling in my head much as my life does around me.
I'm hanging on and letting go all at once, in different spaces, realms and aspects. Accepting, regretting, wanting do overs in so many ways. I can do better, I promise...
Good night sweet dreams, jelly beans...tummy full. Burped a word: Gratitude.